Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Homework #48: family perspectives on care of the dead

For this assignment, I interviewed my aunt and my best friend's mother instead of my parents as a change of scenery from the norm.

The first interview was with my aunt, S. We discussed the aspects of death and the variables that come with how one thinks of the departed. What caught my attention is that there are a lot of different ways one can think about those who have died. For example, if someone has been murdered or tortured, or committed suicide, then there is anger mixed in with her sadness for the way they died. If the person accepted their death and was truly ready to die, she claimed that it was easier for her to accept their death and work through the sadness than if the death was sudden or unexpected and the person wasn't ready. Another thing is that if someone she loves dies, other things around her could make the death easier to cope with. For example, I was born just after the death of her father. She said that my presence at the memorial service brought bits of joy and helped her to enjoy the life of her father. She also said it was easier to accept if she knew it was coming or if the person who died had already accepted it. One thing in particular that I liked was "[In the saddest of deaths, God] can twist it around and bring something good from it." I thought that was nice because it brings hope from a great loss. As a child, she was taught that it was a part of life and her parents focused heavily on souls moving on to the afterlife whereas she is more concerned with living than what happens afterwords.

The second person I interviewed was my best friend's mom, R. When asked how she felt about those who died, her answer was simple: "I miss them." I thought it was interesting how a small sentence could convey so much. She told me that she wanted her body to be cremated but she was also considering donating her body to science. She is also has organ donor on her license. As a child, she wasn't really open to death. Her only experience was with her grandpa and her father never really wanted to talk about it (it was his father). Her mother, who took care of her grandfather, was a little better at talking about it. When her own father died, she was there when it happened and described it as a wonderful experience. Not because of his death but because she got to be there when it happened and feel like she could be there for him. She said that death is just a part of life that we should accept and thought too many people in our society were afraid of death. I thought that last part was interesting because it can be argued but also heavily supported in many ways. Her father was cremated and her mother divided up the ashes with her had her brother. She said she wanted to disperse them somewhere that was meaningful to her dad but still hasn't found the right spot.

4 comments:

  1. Sarah,

    I really liked the fact that you interview you're aunt, and your friends mothers as a change of "norm", it made reading you're blog more interesting to read. I found it interesting how for you're aunts family (also you're family) they believed in an afterlife, and that ones life continues in a different realm. The reason i said in's interesting is because, I find it interesting, that in most cultures, and majority of people on this planet, believe in an afterlife or some sort. But i wonder why we believe that, is it an unexplainable feeling? or is it a belief that's been imbedded in us? For your mom's friend I thought it was a bit heart wrenching that she had to see her own dead parent, I don't know how i would handle seeing one of my relatives, and I wouldn't know what to do with their corpse. But for your mothers friend to cremate her fathers corpse I thought it was an interesting option, because that's someone you knew and to turn their body into ash, I think is pretty bold. Before reading grave matters i had already known that funerals were expensive, so i thought that the main reasons people cremated their loves ones for two reasons, won to keep a physical part of them at their homes or wherever, and second because it's cheaper. Anyway, you're blog was a smooth read, and interesting most of all, I don't have anything negative to say, except for good job, and look forward to the next to come
    -Rigel

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  2. Their are a few typos, all of the times i meant to type "your" my phone put "you're", freaking auto-correct, ignore them, thank you.

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  3. I liked the fact that you chose to interview someone that had a very real experience with death. It made your blog a more interesting to read since the information was from a subjective and objective source. I think if you explained more about what your thoughts were from the interviews and what were some of the insights that you took away from the interview. It would have also been better if you had said if the interviews had changed the way you thought about death or if your previous thoughts were strengthened.

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  4. I liked how you decided to think outside the box and interview someone that ins't in your family. I found interesting how your friends mother as a child was not into talking about death and almost in a sense avoided it. But how now that she is older and more mature she doesnt mind talking about death and excepts it as a part of life that everyone has to go through. I valued how you asked deep interesting questions to make the person you inteview say alot so we can gain info on this topic. Very interesting to read!!

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